Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
