he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize