That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
