"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
