the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
