My cat gives me a boner
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
