I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
