We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
