The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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