The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
