Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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