I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
