And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
