I've blown a few things in my day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
