i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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