Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
