WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
