I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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