He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
