It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
