And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
