I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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