thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
