Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
