she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
