I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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