its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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