I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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