Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
