i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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