when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
