i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
