I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
