Betty ford says i'm here all night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
