yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
