I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
