ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
