Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
