one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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