he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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