im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
