just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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