guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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