I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
