If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
