dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
