Farmville is her only friend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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