His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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