The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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