Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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