it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
