Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
