That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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