i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
