When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
