Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
40s are totally the cure
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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