is your mom at the bar?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My feet surprised me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
