i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
